Monday, July 6, 2009

To all you dog lovers....

I got to thinking that we never post any pics of Taycob/ Jake/ Taylor (whatever the hell you call him nowadays) on this blog (well other than the pic I posted of him imprinting on his pants...which didn't fly to well, lol) so I thought I would take it upon myself to be a people pleaser and post a pic of Jake for everyone...Now before I do this I want you all to know it goes against all things RPatz and against every fiber of my being, but I want everyone to be happy so, without further adieu...

ROFLMAO...I know, I know...wait that's not Jacob, my bad! I couldn't resist, I am TEAM EDWARD!!! Ok, so for real this time...

what?... I said it was a picture of people are never satisfied...

I put up this one because he is cute (in a under 18 kind of way)...ok one more for you...

There that's more...LOL! Please post your thank you's here so I know exactly how many of you I have touched!!!


Thursday, June 25, 2009

Can somebody please tell me...

Eww...I am so telling Bella!

Who's ass do I have to pop a cap in to get this chicky off my man. This was not in the agreement..."What agreement?" you ask...the one I had with myself and my fictitious boyfriend...that's who! I mean seriously think how I felt waking up this morning to only the worst news ever...(no not about Farrah or Micheal Jackson)but that Claire is totally sucking face with my man. How would he feel if I was caught making out with...hmmmm....Eduardo? weird and not flexible enough)....ummm....Johnny would he feel? *Slapped backed to reality* OK, I get it...he wouldn't care, but why not? And why does he have to be kissing other women, cant he be like a priest or something...No, the Pope, then he can be put on display in a bullet proof glass truck and driven all around the world for all his fans to ogle. I will pay him to do that job.

Monday, June 15, 2009

And I thought the Artwork was bad...

Take a good hard look...something is about to happen!

Scary shit ladies...back the fuck up!

Whoa, hold the press...what is the chick (in the wannabe KStew flannel) wearing? I mean seriously does she think by wearing that Rob will be like "Hey, Bella, wanna hang out, after you and your friends maul me?"Don't get me wrong here, I really do feel bad for the guy, he cant do anyone or go anywhere...*silence*...silly me...I mean do anything, without being bombarded. Now, I know what you are all thinking "Would you run up to RPatz if you saw him"?...and the answer is, NO...I don't know...Yes! Hello, I feel bad for the guy and all but come on I need to satisfy myself here. I would try my best to lead the crazy fanfreaks to the Messiah, but I would most likely eat shit on the way there (not a good runner, ask P.E. coach), then if I did make it I am sure I would either blow chunks on his face (from the running) or crap my pants, because how else would I express my emotions for "the hottest guy in the world"(I didn't make that up, just as Vanity Fair). Anyhoo... Can I say...If anyone ever sees these fan trolls... run the other way, hide anything having to do with Rob or Twilight and make sure small children are safe. On a side note, if you do have the balls to approach these wack jobs, make sure to give the one in the scary KStew flannel a pick, or a hat, or clippers, at this point anything will help. To the one in the purple shades...uh, nothing can help her!

Oh, and if you are wondering about Eduardo...last time I checked he was on Uranus!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

New Pics of Rob...

Proceed with Caution...

Oh, did you think...these were going to be...oh...AWKWARD...Ha ha ha I guess technically they are "pics of Rob" but not quite what you were thinking, right? I don't know why I felt the need to share these with you...wait I do...I just figured if my eyes were going to burn then so should yours, LOL! "Well, what else am I supposed to do ", as we all know there are no Real Rob sightings going on and he isn't near KStew so... we need something to bide our time.We could dissect these one by one but that could take a very long time so lets throw out the first things that pop into our head...Me first!
2)Scared shitless
3)Why? followed closely by...
5)Fucked up
6) High as a Kite
8) get the drift...
Feel free to add more...I would like to ask one last thing though..."Am I the only one desperate for more Rob sightings?" Sorry about that!!!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Well, well, well...

Looky, looky...I got Hooky!

Look at who we have here...We found him(well technically not "we" )I just sat here at my computer waiting and hoping. Ha,ha,ha ...(insert evil laugh here)"You couldn't hide for long", poor thing! So, now we can call off the search party(for now). Who does he think he is hiding out from us (me)...I mean seriously was he trying to give us all coronaries? No, he would never...would he?! Doesn't he know his business is our (my) business. least I can sleep tonight knowing he is still alive. On that note...We definitely need to get on this microchipping thing...see previous post (No, I didn't forget. I don't forget anything...I am a woman!) So, does anyone know where I can get my hands on some chloroform...just in case, lol (What just as a back up plan, you know in case the booze doesn't work) Just playing, in case something does ever happen...I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I mean if we are being realistic about this...anything involving Rob, that I do, is done from my couch (or shower) LOL! So, really unless he walks his fine ass in through my front door, this is the closest I will ever get to him. Sad isn't it, but I am still holding on to that dream.

P.S.- He's just chillin with Tom Sturridge in New York!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Where's Waldo...I mean Rob!

OK, so I don't know about all (3 of you ) that read this but I have been wondering "Where is Rob"? Last I heard he was in New York...well that was like 3 days ago. I am freaking the fuck out. Seriously, can we get an APB on him or what. I cant go this long without hearing anything about him or seeing his face (albeit only on the computer) but hey "he is my life now" LOL! So, I brought up to some people the other day the idea about microchipping his ass. I mean they do it in the movies and they do it to animals so...why not? Right? Is that a weird request...No...Yes...Maybe! No, no it is not. If we get him snockered out then we can totally chip him...Hell, I will volunteer my time to do it. My hubby can watch the kid and I will fly all over the world until I find him, get him drunk, and try to get him to want to hang out...alone. Then I will do it. But I will have to spend some extensive time looking for the right place to put it, we wouldn't want him to find out or it to be noticeable so...I might have to have him remove his pants (hmmm...then I will...), sorry, back on track. So, with that being said...what do you think? All I will ask from all of you is to send me money to make this trip possible, LOL! What, do you think it is too much... it was worth a try...! Oh well, I guess I will go back to watching the New Moon Trailer, again, and some old interviews...whoa..I sound crazy!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Only the best fan reaction...Ever!!

I am sure you have all seen this by now...but I can help it, watch it again...

Can I just start out by saying..."This has got to be the funniest reaction EVER" Seriously, ever time I watch it I want to die laughing. I love how it starts out with them "saying hi to their fans"(I guess I didn't realize these two are big celebrities, somewhere)...then they proceed into crazy mode. I like how the girl in the Cullen Crest shirt sits there blinking her eyes over and over "is this for real am I really about to watch this", just to make sure nothing gets in her way of watching the trailer. Then the scene where Edward pushes Jasper back from going ape shit on Bella (No, they don't show it on here I have just watched this and the trailer enough to know), the girl on the right has the funniest facial expression for sooo long. Talk about good facial muscles. It only gets better when they see Jacob and he phases into the wolf. "OH, My God"! About the 2:45 mark the girl on right starts laughing so hysterically I swear she is going to kill over right there. I was laughing so hard with her I almost blacked out (ya know when you are laughing so hard you cant breathe and things go dark...yep that was me). I was not only fearing for her life but mine as well. Let's just say "definite tearing action". I want everyone to know that I want whatever they are on (please tell me it is more than the high from the clip). I think I especially like how the girl in the Cullen Crest shirt starts out all nerdy like... then by the end of the clip she is totally gangsta. I think my ultimate fave part is at the 3:58 mark, Cullen Crest girl says "who gives a fuck about this dude"(Ben Stiller). Classic, I love it. I cant get enough. To semi quote Twilight " I never really put much thought into how I was going to die. But to die while watching this video, would be the best way to go"

Monday, June 1, 2009

Rob, Eduardo, and Me at the Awards...

Ok, So not really at the award show itself, but close enough (if the same state counts). Here we are in my living room, pulling up a chair (Eduardo likes to feel like a big man on my daughters horse, so he stands there) getting ready to see a whole lotta Rob. The movie awards start Eduardo and I are sooo excited (cant you tell he never put his arms down) to see Twilight kick some major ass in the nominations department. So, Shia Lebouf introduces Rob and Cam (totally butchers Cam's last name) and they take the stage. (gulp...sigh...) Eduardo comments to me "Hey the guy in the blue jacket is hot...(duh) and he looks eerily familiar...hmmmm" . "You don't say... maybe it is the fluorescent lights (lol)" Oh well, next, KStew and Rob win best kiss...(Eduardo did not take this well at all) He looks to me as says" I don't like this one bit, why is this guy about to kiss my woman (whoa hold it right there mister, I am your woman, I bought you, I carry you in my purse day after day and this is what I get), then he proceeds to tell me some shit about how he is protective over her, yada yada yada...(like I haven't heard that before). Then we finally get to the good shit...the New Moon trailer. They all came out looking good (somebody really needs to teach Pattinson there how to button a shirt.Hmmm, wait maybe that is his thing...OK I can live with it) and they start showing the clip...Eduardo starts getting really excited seeing Bella at her party, gets really scared when he thinks Jasper is going to make mince meat out of her ass, then I hear a low growling sound...hmmm...Eduardo started going all vampire crazy at Jacob once he phased. (I had to calm him down with a little Debussy) OK not really, I don't have that crap just laying around, anywhere. Next thing you know KStew is on stage dropping her award...(real Bella of her, don't you think)? Overall good night, well, good day I actually dvr'd it and watch it the next day, lol. (Thats how you skip all the shit you really didn't want to see. If I may though say...Digging the Cat on a Keyboard, Couldn't understand any of the Jizz in my Pants...Dick in a Box song, loved that Eminem got a face full of Bruno's ass and balls...and most of all LOVED all the Rob shots (burnt forever in my head). Hope you all enjoyed it as much as Eduardo and I.

P.S.- Anyone hate the Orbit commercial as much as me?

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Could they be...

So, my hubby and I were driving home the other day (sans Eduardo) when he asked me "If KStew (yes... he really called her that) and Rob are together and they break up wont that hurt the movie?" I said "I don't think they are really together. " (Enough said, right?... WRONG!)

When I was in the shower I got to thinking (oh, no... panic has set in) about "what if they are together?" My brain starts working a mile a minute...they could be, no they couldn't, could they?...Then I remembered these pics (above) that I saw and had to re-look at them. Maybe they do look like they like each other (well she seems totally into him at the very least)... (Then I am off).."What if they break up, oh no, what will happen to Edward and Bella will they ever be together? Is there no hope for love in the real world." (That knocked me back into the world of reality) Edward and Bella are fake...he is a vampire (a beautiful, wonderful, lovely, smart, ...) which means who cares if they are together, yeah it makes for great publicity whether they are or not, but I want Rob/Edward for myself not her. (Geez, what sick masochistic world do we live in where women want their dream man to hook up with another woman?) I dont know I think my brain is being overtaken by the world of Twilight and I dont know what is real and fake anymore (I place full blame on Stephanie Meyer). Well, at least I still have my friend Eduardo...(Oh shit, something is definitely wrong with me.)

Friday, May 29, 2009

Just when you thought it couldn't get worse...

Stop burning holes in my skin with your freak!

This little gem comes along. I mean seriously this is so Creeptastic. The one good thing I can say about this is that it is on paper (computer) not someone's arm (check a few posts down). Let's really look at this image (calling it a picture sounds too nice) really just creeps me out. He looks so scary ugly that I feel the need to not make eye contact. And what is the deal with the dove and it's death wish..."watch out stupid bird he is "vegetarian" he will eat your ass". You know it isn't everyday that you stroll along some vampire just kickin it in the woods,being intellectual. Eduardo and I were thinking this douche bags pants are messed up... way more that Eduardo's are (notice Action Figure Edward's butt seam). Maybe these are special "vampire pants" and they don't need zippers or buttons. Wait I got it, this guy wears sweatpants...he is a lazy vampire. This is the kind of guy your parents warn you about..."Now honey, if you ever come across some man in the forest reading by moonlight, run, don't walk, as fast as you can". Well, I guess there is only one thing left to do...tear up the picture, grab your lighters (matches, flame throwers, torches, Molotov cocktails) and burn that motherfucker...What? it is the only way to kill a vampire...right?

P.S.- To whom it may concern: Sorry I had to shit on your...artwork?

Happy Birthday, human!

Happy Birthday to human, Justin Chon. Eduardo and I were just talking (ok I was talking, Eduardo was just staring off, again.I wonder if he has some sort of attention deficit disorder...) about how we hope Justin chillaxes on his birthday. Maybe we will send him a bucket of worms. Anyhoo just wanted to say that.

P.S. - Bring your own compost tea!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

What did they do to him?...

First, I would like to preface this post with this: I love Robert Pattinson.

I am not trying to be a bitch but...what is going on here. This angle looks so weird. I mean seriously I was trying to get over it and stop thinking about it (but realistically these pics are hard to avoid, especially when you are looking for them), but I cant. Every time I see this pic I hear Beyonce's Song "Crazy in Love". Here is the video at You Tube... at the 1:09 mark you will see what I mean. The pic makes him look like he has major junk in his trunk. Only like 2 pics are like this, so that is why I think it is the angle, but seriously why would you do that to my man. Maybe now that I have got this out in the open I hope I can get past it. I dont know...Maybe I need a knew hobby.

Feast of Love...has nothing to do with Rob

That being said..A couple weeks ago my Netflix queue was getting pretty low so I decided to just add anything to it. Well, yesterday I received my newest rental entitled "Feast of Love". Now, I couldn't tell you anything about this movie except that it had Selma Blair and Morgan Freeman in it (not really the best selling points, but hey). So, there Eduardo and I are watching this when it gets into some sex scenes (I swear I saw Eduardo blush, then I remembered he a) is a vampire and b) is plastic)...Well, during this one scene I focused on the guy because he looked somewhat familiar...and guess who it was...Bella's dad, Charlie Swan. Yes, Billy Burke was doing the nasty multiple times in this flick. Every time I saw him all I could think was..."Yes, chief Swan" or "Be careful...I always am". (Poor Eduardo, I rushed to cover his eyes...but too late.) Billy doesn't have the mustache and he looks so young, even though this film is only a few years old. In the movie he plays a married man who is having an affair, he also ends up smacking the bitch up (no wonder Renee left his ass, lol). Movie was ok (if you don't mind heartbreak, death, divorce, etc). Now, I must tend to Eduardo since his eyes have been burning ever since seeing his father-in-law bucking down on some chick.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Who has it better...?

Oh, to be those hands...

I was looking through all the pics of my man shooting his scenes and got to thinking...yeah Kstew gets to hug him, and kiss him, and, well, basically molest him but she doesnt seem to take any joy in it. But I think the real winner is the big guy that gets to hold onto Edward/Rob! I mean seriously I would never let go...EVER! And you know he walked away from that a happy man because then he gets to tell all the ladies how he got to hold onto Edwards butt take after take after take. Oh, to be that mans hands!!!



So, I have been sitting here,while my daughter beats Eduardo to a plastic pulp, thinking about what I wanted to talk about...when this magnificent picture shows up. Wow...I have never really seen a picture of Edward/Rob with his shirt off, and now I can die a happy woman. Jesus Christ that man is beautiful!!! *sigh*

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


What the Fuck?

I was thinking that posting this pic would be enough... but really? I think we need to talk about it (or at least I need to give my opinion). So, lets first think about what was going on in this person's life to get them to do this to their body...Here is a little multiple choice to help you out.
A) Really drunk
B) Really high
C) Really stupid
D) all the above
Hmmmm...yeah that about sums it up. Now, I will admit everything aside from the monstrosity they are calling Edward looks good, but really when all you can look at is that face (and not really by choice) you cant even see the rest. Poor thing. Actually, I was really taking it in (not that it can be missed) and Edward's nose is very bulbous...wouldn't you say? Can you imagine getting older and having sagging skin...One day it is Edward(in your mind...that is) the next you are sporting the elephant man in a forest on your arm. Shit, someone is going to pay for that one (and it isn't going to be me...this time)!!

A Day in the Life of a Fan Mom

So, I woke up this morning thinking about my day and what it holds for me, and thought I would show you guys what "A Day in the Life (or lack there of) of a Fan Mom" was like.

1) First things first wake my daughter in my face telling me she needs to pee pee and poo poo in the potty...over and over, while being about 2cm from my face. Nice,right?

2) Get her something to eat and drink as well as put on a show for her (and make sure it is all enough to hold her attention so she doesn't bother me while I catch up on my Rob gossip)

3) Go to laptop and go through countless blogs, celebrity gossip pages, and message boards. All in hopes of seeing my beloved Rob.

4) Eventually lunch roles around (sooner than I expected but I guess that happens when you read fan fic. I assumed the world stopped while I was ignoring it, hmmm note to self: it doesn't) so I make my daughter food and while she is eating check the sites, again.

5) Then my daughter decides it would be fun to play with Eduardo. So they have a tea party...then she carries him around in her bucket, lets the dog play with him (all while giving him kisses), pushes him in a stroller, all that fun stuff...(ahh to be young and that be the fun stuff, lol)

6) Rescue Eduardo from my daughter as he is about to learn to swim in the toilet(which might have been OK if her father hadn't left it full of piss) Geez, men...I bet Edward would never do that.

7) NAP TIME! Great now I can visit the blogs again, just in case I missed something or they updated in the last 10 minutes. I have about 2 hours of uninterrupted Rob time.

8) She's up...alert, alert...hide Eduardo...get her snack...put on show...keep reading one of the 4 fan fic's I am into.

9) Start getting dinner ready for hubby (who am I kidding he can make something for us when he gets home) keep reading fan fic, blogs, etc
10) Hubby puts daughter in bath gets her ready for bed while I relax from my hard day and read my blogs, again.

11)Finally, she is asleep and I go off to watch Twilight, again!

Now I know what some of you might be thinking... and I want you to know that I am very present in my daughters life...I change her diapers, feed her, put shows on for her, and I sit on the couch in the same room all day with her. Plus, Eduardo knows what she likes so he helps out when she isn't putting his life in danger (swimming in pee, climbing the mountains in the liter box, crashing his head through glass windows, etc.)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Happy Memorial Day!

Alright, So today is Memorial Day and what better way to thank the men and women who have died for us than a pic of the hot guys from Twilight, right?...Exactley what I was thinking! So, here they are for your veiwing pleasure (or mine not sure who I really posted this for).

Sunday, May 24, 2009

First Blog...Ever!

Disclaimer: This will get better.

That being said...this is my first post to the new blog and I definitely needed some help. I figured there was only one person I could count on to help me through this. Well, Eduardo to the rescue(I thought)!So, we sat (he stood, turns out he doesn't need to sit that much) and well, to be honest he didn't offer me any help. He just stood there staring at the screen. So here I am alone trying to figure out what to write about. I got it...nothing for now. I will post when I have something to say.