Can somebody please tell me...

Eww...I am so telling Bella!

Who's ass do I have to pop a cap in to get this chicky off my man. This was not in the agreement..."What agreement?" you ask...the one I had with myself and my fictitious boyfriend...that's who! I mean seriously think how I felt waking up this morning to only the worst news ever...(no not about Farrah or Micheal Jackson)but that Claire is totally sucking face with my man. How would he feel if I was caught making out with...hmmmm....Eduardo?...no(too weird and not flexible enough)....ummm....Johnny Depp...yeah...how would he feel? *Slapped backed to reality* OK, I get it...he wouldn't care, but why not? And why does he have to be kissing other women, cant he be like a priest or something...No, the Pope, then he can be put on display in a bullet proof glass truck and driven all around the world for all his fans to ogle. I will pay him to do that job.

And I thought the Artwork was bad...

Take a good hard look...something is about to happen!

Scary shit ladies...back the fuck up!

Whoa, hold the press...what is the chick (in the wannabe KStew flannel) wearing? I mean seriously does she think by wearing that Rob will be like "Hey, Bella, wanna hang out, after you and your friends maul me?"Don't get me wrong here, I really do feel bad for the guy, he cant do anyone or go anywhere...*silence*...silly me...I mean do anything, without being bombarded. Now, I know what you are all thinking "Would you run up to RPatz if you saw him"?...and the answer is, NO...I don't know...Yes! Hello, I feel bad for the guy and all but come on I need to satisfy myself here. I would try my best to lead the crazy fanfreaks to the Messiah, but I would most likely eat shit on the way there (not a good runner, ask P.E. coach), then if I did make it I am sure I would either blow chunks on his face (from the running) or crap my pants, because how else would I express my emotions for "the hottest guy in the world"(I didn't make that up, just as Vanity Fair). Anyhoo... Can I say...If anyone ever sees these fan trolls... run the other way, hide anything having to do with Rob or Twilight and make sure small children are safe. On a side note, if you do have the balls to approach these wack jobs, make sure to give the one in the scary KStew flannel a pick, or a hat, or clippers, at this point anything will help. To the one in the purple shades...uh, nothing can help her!

Oh, and if you are wondering about Eduardo...last time I checked he was on Uranus!

New Pics of Rob...

Proceed with Caution...

Oh, did you think...these were going to be...oh...AWKWARD...Ha ha ha I guess technically they are "pics of Rob" but not quite what you were thinking, right? I don't know why I felt the need to share these with you...wait I do...I just figured if my eyes were going to burn then so should yours, LOL! "Well, what else am I supposed to do ", as we all know there are no Real Rob sightings going on and he isn't near KStew so... we need something to bide our time.We could dissect these one by one but that could take a very long time so lets throw out the first things that pop into our head...Me first!
1)Atrocity
2)Scared shitless
3)Why? followed closely by...
4)WTF?
5)Fucked up
6) High as a Kite
7)Nauseous
8) well...you get the drift...
Feel free to add more...I would like to ask one last thing though..."Am I the only one desperate for more Rob sightings?" Sorry about that!!!

Well, well, well...

Looky, looky...I got Hooky!

Look at who we have here...We found him(well technically not "we" )I just sat here at my computer waiting and hoping. Ha,ha,ha ...(insert evil laugh here)"You couldn't hide for long", poor thing! So, now we can call off the search party(for now). Who does he think he is hiding out from us (me)...I mean seriously was he trying to give us all coronaries? No, he would never...would he?! Doesn't he know his business is our (my) business. Shit...at least I can sleep tonight knowing he is still alive. On that note...We definitely need to get on this microchipping thing...see previous post (No, I didn't forget. I don't forget anything...I am a woman!) So, does anyone know where I can get my hands on some chloroform...just in case, lol (What just as a back up plan, you know in case the booze doesn't work) Just playing, in case something does ever happen...I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! I mean if we are being realistic about this...anything involving Rob, that I do, is done from my couch (or shower) LOL! So, really unless he walks his fine ass in through my front door, this is the closest I will ever get to him. Sad isn't it, but I am still holding on to that dream.

P.S.- He's just chillin with Tom Sturridge in New York!

Where's Waldo...I mean Rob!

OK, so I don't know about all (3 of you ) that read this but I have been wondering "Where is Rob"? Last I heard he was in New York...well that was like 3 days ago. I am freaking the fuck out. Seriously, can we get an APB on him or what. I cant go this long without hearing anything about him or seeing his face (albeit only on the computer) but hey "he is my life now" LOL! So, I brought up to some people the other day the idea about microchipping his ass. I mean they do it in the movies and they do it to animals so...why not? Right? Is that a weird request...No...Yes...Maybe! No, no it is not. If we get him snockered out then we can totally chip him...Hell, I will volunteer my time to do it. My hubby can watch the kid and I will fly all over the world until I find him, get him drunk, and try to get him to want to hang out...alone. Then I will do it. But I will have to spend some extensive time looking for the right place to put it, we wouldn't want him to find out or it to be noticeable so...I might have to have him remove his pants (hmmm...then I will...), sorry, back on track. So, with that being said...what do you think? All I will ask from all of you is to send me money to make this trip possible, LOL! What, do you think it is too much... it was worth a try...! Oh well, I guess I will go back to watching the New Moon Trailer, again, and some old interviews...whoa..I sound crazy!

Only the best fan reaction...Ever!!

I am sure you have all seen this by now...but I can help it, watch it again...

Can I just start out by saying..."This has got to be the funniest reaction EVER" Seriously, ever time I watch it I want to die laughing. I love how it starts out with them "saying hi to their fans"(I guess I didn't realize these two are big celebrities, somewhere)...then they proceed into crazy mode. I like how the girl in the Cullen Crest shirt sits there blinking her eyes over and over "is this for real am I really about to watch this", just to make sure nothing gets in her way of watching the trailer. Then the scene where Edward pushes Jasper back from going ape shit on Bella (No, they don't show it on here I have just watched this and the trailer enough to know), the girl on the right has the funniest facial expression for sooo long. Talk about good facial muscles. It only gets better when they see Jacob and he phases into the wolf. "OH, My God"! About the 2:45 mark the girl on right starts laughing so hysterically I swear she is going to kill over right there. I was laughing so hard with her I almost blacked out (ya know when you are laughing so hard you cant breathe and things go dark...yep that was me). I was not only fearing for her life but mine as well. Let's just say "definite tearing action". I want everyone to know that I want whatever they are on (please tell me it is more than the high from the clip). I think I especially like how the girl in the Cullen Crest shirt starts out all nerdy like... then by the end of the clip she is totally gangsta. I think my ultimate fave part is at the 3:58 mark, Cullen Crest girl says "who gives a fuck about this dude"(Ben Stiller). Classic, I love it. I cant get enough. To semi quote Twilight " I never really put much thought into how I was going to die. But to die while watching this video, would be the best way to go"

Rob, Eduardo, and Me at the Awards...

Ok, So not really at the award show itself, but close enough (if the same state counts). Here we are in my living room, pulling up a chair (Eduardo likes to feel like a big man on my daughters horse, so he stands there) getting ready to see a whole lotta Rob. The movie awards start Eduardo and I are sooo excited (cant you tell he never put his arms down) to see Twilight kick some major ass in the nominations department. So, Shia Lebouf introduces Rob and Cam (totally butchers Cam's last name) and they take the stage. (gulp...sigh...) Eduardo comments to me "Hey the guy in the blue jacket is hot...(duh) and he looks eerily familiar...hmmmm" . "You don't say... maybe it is the fluorescent lights (lol)" Oh well, next, KStew and Rob win best kiss...(Eduardo did not take this well at all) He looks to me as says" I don't like this one bit, why is this guy about to kiss my woman (whoa hold it right there mister, I am your woman, I bought you, I carry you in my purse day after day and this is what I get), then he proceeds to tell me some shit about how he is protective over her, yada yada yada...(like I haven't heard that before). Then we finally get to the good shit...the New Moon trailer. They all came out looking good (somebody really needs to teach Pattinson there how to button a shirt.Hmmm, wait maybe that is his thing...OK I can live with it) and they start showing the clip...Eduardo starts getting really excited seeing Bella at her party, gets really scared when he thinks Jasper is going to make mince meat out of her ass, then I hear a low growling sound...hmmm...Eduardo started going all vampire crazy at Jacob once he phased. (I had to calm him down with a little Debussy) OK not really, I don't have that crap just laying around, anywhere. Next thing you know KStew is on stage dropping her award...(real Bella of her, don't you think)? Overall good night, well, good day I actually dvr'd it and watch it the next day, lol. (Thats how you skip all the shit you really didn't want to see. If I may though say...Digging the Cat on a Keyboard, Couldn't understand any of the Jizz in my Pants...Dick in a Box song, loved that Eminem got a face full of Bruno's ass and balls...and most of all LOVED all the Rob shots (burnt forever in my head). Hope you all enjoyed it as much as Eduardo and I.

P.S.- Anyone hate the Orbit commercial as much as me?